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“So we we get lunch, you know, before the shows and we park on the outskirts. There's this heavyset guy. He's like, what the fuck? Theo Von? Can I get a picture? You're like, sure thing, man. Just, we're running a little late if you can keep up with us, and we'll get that selfie. So he gets up to you, and the wind just blows his hat off. It blew probably 60 feet. He tracked it down, put it on. Man, what are you doing here? Blows again. He runs. He repeats. The third time so it happens three times.”

“One time, Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson, they went out together, like, just all they were going out on the town. And Michael had a bunch of chicks with him. Michael Jackson had a bunch of chicks with him. And Tyson was like, hey, which one of these girls is with you just so in case I'm flirting with one or whatever. And Michael Jackson told him, they're all with me. Get your own bitches. That's what he told him.”

“In current Internet slang gooning is a form of marathon masturbation and porn consumption where someone stays aroused for a long time. Well, just the levels they're going to for it. Solo means nonpartnered, porn driven off your multiple tabs, niche content, things on loop. When people say goon together, it's typically referred to as a group gooning or participating in a goon session. Communal gooning, often organized via online communities like Discord, Reddit, and adult platforms.”

“Being a minority is kind of like having in a wager as you can never take off. I'm sure people Americans and the white Americans have been to, say, you're a Rams fan and then you go to a Seahawks game in your Rams jersey. You're gonna get some flack, but you're still you. You're still Doug. You're Doug from accounting, and they're spitting on you. And you go, no. I just happen to be wearing this. I can't take it off. It's bolted on.”

“I had booked this MTV show, and they needed me for three months. I didn't even want to quit. I just wanted to do a leave of absence. I'm like, can I come back after three months? And they're like, no. You can't take that much time off. And then I read that you can only collect unemployment if they fire you. So then I sent an email. I go, I will be leaving on this day, and I plan on returning this day. And then I just left the office. I wouldn't answer their calls or emails. I was just waiting for them to terminate me.”

“The Crazy Horse Memorial is a mountain Monument under construction on privately held land in the Black Hills in Custer County, South Dakota. Henry Standing Bear, a Lakota chief, recruited and commissioned Polish American sculptor, Korczak Ziolkowski, to build the Crazy Horse Memorial. In 1939, Henry Standing Bear wrote to the Polish American sculptor who worked on Mount Rushmore. He informed the sculptor, my fellow chiefs and I would like the white man to know that the red man has great heroes too.”

“I wonder if they could find knowing what we know now, like, I wonder if they could find, like, a connection between the developers or the ones starting the fires. Because that's what you start to realize in the world. It's like, yeah. If there's a crazy app that comes out that helps solve a problem, the other side of the makers of the app sometimes are they're in conjunction with the people making the problem.”

“What's mind blowing too is these guys that I just thought were titans of comedy and could do no wrong and were blowing my mind to learn as you get older that they were afraid of being fired week to week on SNL. To hear Spade talk about that or Norm would talk about, oh, yeah. We thought we're gonna get or even Sandler. They thought about firing Sandler. That they were having self doubt like that during what I thought was just the pinnacle and peak of comedy.”

“Rogan is so awesome. He's afforded me a career, like, so many of our peers owe so much to him. He'll still text us back. It's crazy. Like, I'll text him and then even to book his show, he's like, how does he does it? He doesn't I mean, not to call you. I mean, you have a producer. It's fine to get everybody else that's producers. Rogan is like, hey. How's this day sound?”

“One thing that was, in hindsight, a blessing about that experience was that I kinda got to be like, you got a level of popularity there, but you didn't have any money. So you had no, the only way you could get any like, kind of you had to keep going back to them if you wanted something else. I realized at that time that being popular was cool, but there wasn't, like, a ton of value to it. For years, I kinda thought, like, oh, is this cool thing? But then I was, like, well, what is it for?”