LEGALIZE PSYCHEDELICS

“There's a great black woman in Indianapolis. She's not in LA or New York, but let's get her. She has great stories, miss Pat. There's a great black comic in Houston, and he has these great stories about prison. Let's get him. They're not on these lists. You just gotta work a little harder to make your shit you know, it's like Seinfeld letting everybody else shine.”

“But that's funny because that's kinda what Dan Patrick did in Texas about marijuana. But to his credit, Dan Patrick met with Rick Perry and Brian Hubbard, the guys that passed this Texas Ibogaine initiative, and they convinced him of what this stuff actually is. And so they've donated so he's allocated rather a $100,000,000 in Texas for the Ibogaine initiative. But that's a sign of an intelligent man. Like, this Dan Patrick guy had this stance on weed.”

“Anyone I told that didn't recognize me when it came up what my job was, I'm like, alright. Well, I'm a I'm a stand up comedian. This is 10 for 10 countries. Everybody would be like, what? What do you mean? They go, like, for as a hobby? I'm like, no. It's a living. They're like, what? Grandma, come here. This guy just stand up. Bro, we have the coolest job in the world.”

“So I I took this edible and it was an unregulated edible, so I have no idea. And it was way too strong. And I was I was like, why do my ears feel weird? And they're like, because you're under the ocean. And I was like, no. It was like the longest twenty minutes of my life waiting to pop out on the other side. Where I was like, we're under this how long has this fucking subway been under the ocean?”

“I took no social media. My brain was firing in a way that it hadn't fired in so long. It was just like all the the shit holding you down just, like, pulled off. And after not very much time, it was like, just thoughts creative thoughts were just, like, pouring out of me. I came up with this whole my storytelling shows up. I came up with this whole, like, how how to frame it all, how to do everything.”

“You know the Pinto story? So Ford found out, and they realized it's cheaper to just pay people off that died from their car being blown up than it is to recall all these Ford Pintos. Because the Pinto had, like, the gas tank rather was in the back. There was something about the design where if you got rear ended, it would blow up. Investigators and lawsuits showed that pre production crash test had already revealed this vulnerability. But the car still went to market largely unchanged.”

“Brittney Griner. Nine years in a penal colony. That was a fun one because they just told America, like, hey, guys. Keep quiet. We can get her out. She's a nothing asset. Just everyone be quiet. And the the liberal angry, you know, housewives are like, no. I wanna say something. And they all just kept talking. And eventually, it's like Russia's like, oh, is this an important one? Oh, really? We'll keep her in.”

“He goes, they came in these doses, one x, two x, or three x. The problem is x didn't equal any number. So it was just some guy mixing up his bathtub full of fucking whatever, like, weed infused cookie dough and deciding what's x to him. That's not a mathematical equation.”

“You ever hear the theory that terrorism and The US are symbiotic? Terrorism can't exist without The US dominating their countries. And The US, they can't keep funneling money to weapons without terrorists. It's, like, it's, it's we need something to be, like, hey. We're all against that. And then those countries like, look, they're all against us. So they just, like, they need each other to keep growing.”

“Coca Cola would have people just like if you were, like, a leftist leader running for whatever, they were worried that if that person got in power, they would unionize their population, and that would cost them more money in the plants. And they would just have people straight killed. Straight up get them out of the way. For decades, Coca Cola has faced several severe allegations regarding the murder and intimidation of union leaders at bottling plants in Colombia and Guatemala.”

“Comedy Central is trying to force you into doing a Comedy Special, but you had a deal with Netflix. And even though it was completely legal and contractually legal for you to do a Comedy Special with Netflix, Comedy Central was strong arming you into doing it on Comedy Central and canceled your fucking show because you wouldn't do a special with them. Ari had a successful show that was doing very well on Comedy Central, and they canceled it because he wouldn't do a comedy special on Comedy Central.”