393: Infidelity

Key Takeaways

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  Wedding announcements now include cheating meet cutes

  “And so it was in the middle of all that that Jessica Presler noticed in the wedding pages of The New York Times that there are couples getting married who cheerfully told the newspaper as part of their meet cute story that the way they got together was that one of them cheated on a spouse or a long time partner.”

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  Couples use euphemisms to mask infidelity histories

  “They always say, like, their road to to finding each other was a bumpy road, or they had a a difficult time, many ups and downs. They encountered some obstacles along the way. And it's like, no, those are those are people. Those are, like, other, like, lives. They're not speed bumps.”

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  Cheaters use fate to justify their actions

  “I think it's probably just people, when they cheat on other people, tell themselves that they're doing it because they have to, because there's fate is involved. And whatever happened, you're better off, and probably the person that you broke up with is better off. And this is the way it was meant to be.”

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  Grief often triggers sudden extramarital affairs

  “When I started to fall in love with Andrew, it was like my falling in love with him was a direct sort of parallel of my father dying. So as my father was dying at home of of cancer, I was falling deeper and deeper in love with this man, Andrew. And Andrew would talk to me about my father dying because he'd been with his mother who died of a brain tumor.”

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  Betrayed partners sometimes react with unexpected politeness

  “I can remember standing outside in in the bottom field for a good half an hour summoning up the courage to go and say to George, this is true. And when and expected him quite literally expected him to sort of hit me or sort of blood in my nose or something like that, or at least shouted me or rave. And, he I knocked on the door. He said, oh, Andrew. Andrew. Come in. Come in. Have a have a glass of wine.”

Episode Description

Stories of cheating, cheaters, and the cheated. Visit thisamericanlife.org/lifepartners to sign up for our premium subscription. Prologue: Ira talks with Jessica Pressler about a phenomenon she noticed in the wedding notices in The New York Times. Couples were cheerfully telling—as part of their "meet cute" stories—how their relationships began with one of them cheating on a spouse or long-time partner. (4 minutes) Act One: From England, Ruby Wright has a story of an affair where—even years after it ended—it wasn't much discussed. (14 minutes) Act Two: Ira reviews some infidelity stats from his mother's book on the subject, Not Just Friends. And author James Braly tells a story of temptation live onstage at The Moth. (15 minutes) Act Three: Dani Shapiro on the confusing mess things can be during an affair. The story is from her memoir, Slow Motion. (16 minutes) Act Four: Etgar Keret describes the moment in the immediate aftermath of an affair. Actor Matt Malloy reads. (4 minutes) Transcripts are available at thisamericanlife.org This American Life privacy policy. Learn more about sponsor message choices.