Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend

“I think people see what they want in the part. And, it's really based a lot off of my friend Eric Byers, who's an executive at Universal, except for he doesn't do drugs and is very responsible. Right. But, they love the, some of them love they they they the work isn't exciting, making the movie's exciting, but they wanna where are we going to dinner afterwards? And that's, like, my cornerstone of, like, where are we gonna go to dinner?”

“But going there and having to perform for people who don't speak English necessarily, or don't understand your reference base at all Yeah. That taught me how to, I think, like, be bigger and kind of perform for for the masses.”

“You are a Jeopardy Celebrity Jeopardy champ. Yes. You won a million dollars for charity Yes. Of which I'm told you took $600,000.”

“I have an obsession lately that I wanna talk about. Yeah. Which is, rappers that, have agreed to do a soundtrack for a major motion picture, and then they have to rap about the movie and kind of get bogged down on the plot of the movie.”

“And there's a similarity in between Larry Sanders and the studio. They're both about the business, and there are specific ways if you're in show business that you can pick apart certain things and say, well, that's not really how it is.”

“I wanted to figure out a fun podcast, and I I just couldn't think of, like, a fun hook. And then I was like, oh my god. What if I just wrote trivia questions for my friends? I write the trivia. Oh, I write the trivia. Not because not for me. I have a producer who writes the questions for me, so I don't see the questions on our system.”

“it should start as the show wants to do x, y, and z. So let's go out and buy the necessary supplies, curiosities, whatever it is so that we can make that happen, so we can execute on it.”

“at first, it was just, like, like, five or six of them in the back of a bar. I believe Miriam, Flynn was one of the or Tolan was one of the first ones, rather. Yep. Later Miriam Stack. Miriam later Miriam Stack. And, by the time I got there, it was like a big theater.”

“There is definitely times where there's guys and, ladies that I know who are studio execs who will say that, like, oh, you stole that for me. I'm like, yes. And then there's some that are like, I know you got that for me, and I'm like, I didn't. I'm struggling to remember your name right now. But I think people see what they want in the part. And, it's really based a lot off of my friend Eric Byers, who's an executive at Universal, except for he doesn't do drugs and is very responsible.”

“For years, people were like, you should do a podcast. And I was like, I don't think the medium is gonna work. And a couple weeks ago, I was like, the medium works. So let's get into this now. We're not on the Ground Floor, but we're on, like, the 80th Floor. Right. So I I wanted to figure out a fun podcast, and I I just couldn't think of, like, a fun hook. And then I was like, oh my god. What if I just wrote trivia questions for my friends?”

“I'm in there, and what do I hear? Oh my god. It's Pitbull, and he's rapping about Men in Black three. And sure enough, this rapper has has had to bend the knee to the studio executives, and he's talking about we gotta go back in time, and he's explaining the plot. Do you know what I mean? And, again, that always freaks me out When rappers, you know Yeah. Well, everybody needs I mean, imagine how much money they get.”

“My dad wanted to be in comedy, and he auditioned for Second City when he was, like, really young. And and and then you it was just, like, too hard. And he my mom was pregnant, and he was like, I'm just gonna go to law school. Let's go to law school and make I'm an attorney and have steady work. And then he kind of took me to see my first improv show. And I remember seeing, like, Amy Poehler and Chris Farley.”

“I got there, and I learned how to perform big. Because in Chicago, I was doing a ton of improv in Chicago. And in Chicago, you can kind of you can score without having to go big in Chicago. You can come in and drop a really funny reference. You can play, like, kind of a cool character, and you're in a small room. You're gonna get a big laugh. But going there and having to perform for people who don't speak English necessarily, or don't understand your reference base at all”

“Personal expenses that are not related to the podcast, you cannot write off. So if you're bringing edibles I think I heard that segment for for Conan. Right? Yep. That would probably work more into production than on air. So per and where production costs can affect Conan, and I am the opinion that we are here to manage, Conan. Right? It could eat into Yeah. And and, you know, if it weren't for you and for Blay, I don't think I'd make it in this business.”

“I also won a a million dollars on celebrity who wants to be a millionaire. That's true. Yeah. So I've done two celebrity How much money? And you got to keep all that money. That money went straight to me, baby. No. That that was they both everything went to charity. Every dime went to charity, unfortunately. This has kept me off these charity shows. I won't I I I'm sorry. It has I'm just be I'm sorry. I can't do it. I can't do it. I work hard.”

“I have certain writers, and Matt O'Brien in particular, no relation. I tell everyone he was my cousin, and I had to hire him even though he's not funny. And he's a brilliant writer. He's really funny. He's no relation. It's just such a common last name. But I'm very comfortable, giving him a physical beating. Yeah. Exactly. I'm very tactile too. I touch people. I i kind of grab my friends and Yeah.”

“I said, 'Really? Just getting a couple of golden retrievers?' And she said, 'Well, the rule is each dog has to be acclimated with the other dogs. So, they all have to live together for like 2 weeks before they can come on, before they can be on camera together. And if they're living together, all their pe their handlers have to live with them, too.' And she was going through all the things and how the cost got up to I think it was going to cost as much as like uh you know baseline sticker price for like a Porsche.”

“for the reasons that Sona said, I think like I just can't imagine that that demographic sitting around on their, you know, watching in their kitchen watching. What is it? Explain that demographic, Adam. Say it. Say it. What's that demographic? Go ahead. Here's what I will say. Oh, you as you've aged, your audience has stayed very young. You have a very young mobile digital first audience.”

“In other words, he he went to CBS. He's buying the time period. Okay. And he's producing his own show and selling the ads himself. I believe that's how it's working. I didn't know that. That's fascinating. Do that. We could just buy time on TV. Essentially CBS is like in profit because they just sold the time to him.”

“All I know is that so many people I know aren't working. So many of the writers we know, it's very hard to get work now. Yet, I go home and all I see are thousands of new streaming shows. There's never been more product available to people, but my sense is that a lot of people aren't working. What's happening? I think a lot of them are made overseas.”

“But if if I had told you 32 years ago we're not even going to be working in television anymore. We're going to be basically doing a radio show that goes over the computer. Uh it's crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy. So that's your analysis. It's crazy. Well, it is crazy. I mean, we have our HBO show. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I didn't mean to discount HBO.”

“someone had taken a video with like a video camera of all the displays and now it looks like the footage I used to look at when I was a kid from the 1920s. And I realized, you know what I mean? Where people are riding around with wearing straw hats in funny looking... looking at a blockbuster now looks like oh that's a speak easy during 40 years ago. 40 years ago. And I know that young people now see that footage and think everyone looks crazy.”

“I feel very lucky about the fact that nobody really watched Schitt's Creek until it was done. So we were able to just make the show we wanted. How rare is that? To make six seasons of a TV show with absolutely no expectations from an audience. Nobody cared. We were hustling till the end. And then it wasn't until I had finished writing the last episode of our sixth season, the series finale, that people started to pay attention.”

“As a place that is sort of wanting to be very different than America, but knowing that it is not quite as powerful, there is an inherent sort of self awareness that is in the water. And I believe self awareness is what makes the people funny. Yes. It's a lack of self awareness is the most boring people you meet are completely unaware of how boring they are. Canadians are very aware of how boring they are, and that's what makes it funny.”

“And the crazy thing about it is that I'm still, like you know, I go on Instagram and her face is there, and Moira's clips from the show are all over the place. It's and I every time I see her, even though I wrote the thing I stop and I watch. And I'm watching not for anything that I did. But I'm watching because she is impossible not to watch. Impossible not to love, and she's it's impossible not to laugh with her in anything she does.”

“I have never known what the next thing is and go into, like, a weird, slovenly to my my wonderful team of people. I will I cannot hear the word momentum ever again. Right. Right. I don't it means nothing to me. Momentum, I feel like, is is a word that forces people to make bad decisions. Wow. That's good. I just and yet, this is an industry that's like, you're hot. You're hot. You're hot.”

“And there's no I mean, you know, to work on things you don't care about, it's just not fun. So I would rather take the time and risk the lack of momentum and put something out that continues to, like, excite people than take every opportunity and not be maybe even the best fit for the opportunity that crosses my path. Yeah. It's a really interesting point you make about momentum because that is a thing.”

“Ordinary and necessary expenses can be deductible. Now I guess the question is, are those ordinary and Sure. Monotonous egg. I are they necessary? It says and necessary. And Is comedy necessary to this podcast? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. It's not comedy. A bronchosaurus egg is not comedy until you foisted upon the podcast, and you you barrel your way into podcast and say, look what I got.”

“I'm at the Ren Faire, and I'm like, oh, man. I should get a sword and bring it in because it could be a good comedy bit. So I buy another sword, and that's what I'm writing off because it's for a comedy bit. I'm not writing off the one I already have. I'm like, I'm taking things from my life and heightening them to use a comedy trick.”

“I do. It's something I've been wanting to give you for a very long time. And I think because the Oscars are done, everything's more chill, it's the right time to do it. So I just went to the store and I took the liberty of just buying you a lot of edibles.”

“I think starting really small to the point where maybe you have half of one of those five milligram things and then you, and then the worst case scenario is you say I didn't feel anything and then next time, maybe you go to five milligrams.”

“We have to explain. I am a redhead. Redheads are, whenever I go to the dentist, they shoot me up full of Novocaine and then they go to drill and I don't feel any of the Novocaine and they say, Oh right, red hair. So they obliterate my nervous system.”

“CBD is like when the component that makes you high is removed and it's just the part that makes you feel better, that has the healing property.”

“The world in general, at least in America, is moving away from drinking, and this is, by a lot of accounts, just a healthier substitute.”

“What might be fun is before you make a night of it and you could come up with a playlist beforehand of music you might want to listen to, go to the store and get some snacks, prepare this kind of snacks you want to eat.”

“Well, this could be, here's the problem, potential problem, that a calm, happy Conan is not productive. You know, that this whole thing dies. The podcast, maybe this is our last episode.”