Kyle Schwarber

“Was handed a buffalo saber sword, going out to the outdoor party outside the KeyBank Arena. Filled with a beer, went out, apologized, crazy pop from the crowd, chugged it all over my Sabre's jersey. Kind of embarrassed. I'm like, oh, shit. I come off the stage. The emcee of the events, like, dude, these things, you can't chug out of them. You have to drink it slow because you can't chug. They end up spilling. It's impossible to chug.”

“I can't say. I would say very high chance, probably, like, over 95%. I had one last night, actually. I thought, like, I mean, I stood there. And I was like, man, I crushed this ball. And, like, saw you know, normally, you see the ball get small. And, it gets small.”

“There was a man in Kentucky that laughed so hard at the botched field goal. It triggered a seizure which sent him to the hospital. But at the hospital, doctors discovered when they were, like, going through them that there was a tennis ball sized brain tumor. And then they were able to, you know, find that, remove it, and it was deemed not cancerous. So that missed field goal might have saved a guy's life.”

“So my wife were so it's the lockout year. And this, like, lockout gets lifted. And we're in March, and my wife's pregnant with our first kid. And so I get on this call with Dombrowski and kinda just lay it out there. And it's, like, 10:15 at night and go for, like, you know, twenty minutes, whatever it is, get off the phone. You know, agency's kinda going back and forth, and all of a sudden, they call. They go, hey. We got you know, this is the deal. And I'm like, yeah. We're doing it. Four for 79 and, you know, bang. About to celebrate a little bit. And then not even thirty minutes later, my wife's water breaks.”

“So ball gets hit hit up in the air. I just come running in and Javi's playing short. And Javi's like 10 feet, 15 feet over here, and the ball is gonna be, like, over here. And I'm like, well, looks like I gotta call it. I go, I got it. I got it. Put the glove out. Ball seeing, like, three balls. I'm like, please choose the right one. Bang. Clank. Nope. Didn't choose the right one. Ball rolls on the dirt, on the infield dirt.”

“I actually thought you were gonna go with that question was, me trying to bunt with two strikes The World Series. Going up pretty nasty guy, didn't see it great. And I'm like, man, you know what? Like, I all I gotta do is just touch this ball. I just gotta touch it. Put it in fair fair territory, get the first base down. In all reality, terrible idea. The worst idea I've ever had, I think.”

“There was a span last year where I was literally I think I was over 20 last year, over 21. And I don't even think I could be I could be mad. Like, I was swinging at the pitch that I think I should swing at, taking pitches I think I should take, hitting the ball pretty hard. The more that you can kinda, like, stay objectively in that mindset besides just really, you know, beating yourself up from the inside that the game, you know, one, it becomes easier to play.”

“We're all here for a reason. Like, you don't need to go out there and tell yourself to go do anything. Like, that just brings in the little devil on the shoulder. We're all really good. So let's just continue to be yourselves. But, you have to go out there and say, like, man, like, I need to go do this. I need to go get this home I need to go hit a home run. Man, I need to go get a hit. No. You don't. Because now you're just telling yourself something you've never told yourself before.”

“Cubs con after the world series. Rizzo was like, hey. Come out. We'll have dinner with the whole t I I was literally sitting at a table with the entire team. I was sitting next to you, and, we all got we're at a steakhouse. We all got our steaks, and you got a salad. And you were just, like, under your breath, you're like, Theo's fucking making me lose weight. This is bullshit. You were eating a salad.”