Women treat themselves as products rather than people
βSo for example, not having children, having more of an aversion to having children someday than young men. I think that's because they think of themselves as a product, not as a human. And so people say things like, oh, that's the most human experience. Why would you not want to do that? But if your goal is to be a perfect, pristine product, then why would you take the risk of motherhood when it could destroy your body? It's unpredictable. It's dangerous. It's scary. It's not really something you can display quickly.β
Social media replaces real community with hollow simulations
βall of the foundations and anchors that help women and people in general feel stable have basically been eroded. And that's the argument in my book that we have had our families break down. We've we don't know our neighbors. We don't have communities. We are less religious. We're less religious than young men even. So we don't have any of these anchors. And that is why I think when the social media platforms came in, they really destroyed young women because they offered substitutes and simulations of these things that we didn't have in the first place.β
Young women report record levels of pessimism and unhappiness
βI think women do have unmet needs. I think the reason that more privileged women were more pessimistic in that piece was that they have everything they want and basically nothing they need. So all of the foundations and anchors that help women and people in general feel stable have basically been eroded. And that's the argument in my book that we have had our families break down. We've we don't know our neighbors. We don't have communities. We are less religious.β
The internet rewards performative empathy over local action
βThe only thing I can think is that it becomes, again, another form of signaling you are a good person. Look at how much I care? Yeah. And these will be the same women who've, again, grown up with believing that what counts as being a good person is what they post. And Well, also empathy, you know, to steel man that, this person is if that's the truth, this person really cares about what's going on in The Middle East and is genuinely pained by it. And that that's a kind of investment that's really impressive.β
FaceTune and filters cultivate deep-seated bodily dysmorphia
βFaceTune is, like, one of the most popular apps where girls would edit themselves to then post on Instagram. Like filters? No. Going in and editing each part of your face. So you can slim your jaw. You can enlarge your eyes. You can change your waist. You can tan your skin. You can whiten your teeth. It's everything. But that is what girls were using as teenagers all throughout their all throughout growing up. And then they've reached their twenties and people say, oh, why are they unhappy with the way they look?β
Hyper-independence prevents deep vulnerability and stable relationships
βI think for the women I'm talking about, there's much more pressure to stay single, to stay unattached, to stay available. And I think what Emma is really describing when she talks about the rush and the hurry is she feels pressure to cram in all her self actualization before she meets someone. So in the podcast, she's talking about healing herself and fixing her mental health and becoming the best version of herself and becoming whole and healed and enlightened. And I think that's a core message that young women are growing up with.β
βIt is the consistent refrain of every astronaut who has had that experience when they come back, when you have that perspective of the Earth from such a distance, you realize, oh, it's a spaceship, we're all on it together, it's so small, we have more in common than our differences. They repeat that, and we understand that intellectually, but there's something so experiential about that, because it's so moving for them, like it changes them. I wish we could be changed just by hearing them reflect that back to us.β
FaceTune and filters cultivate deep-seated bodily dysmorphia
βFaceTune is, like, one of the most popular apps where girls would edit themselves to then post on Instagram. Like filters? No. Going in and editing each part of your face. So you can slim your jaw. You can enlarge your eyes. You can change your waist. You can tan your skin. You can whiten your teeth. It's everything. But that is what girls were using as teenagers all throughout their all throughout growing up. And then they've reached their twenties and people say, oh, why are they unhappy with the way they look?β
Gendered algorithms drive political radicalization among young women
βSo from the twenty tens, it was young women who lurched dramatically to the left. It wasn't that young men lurched to the right. Young men pretty much stayed where they were. It was women. Yeah. The new statesman said, the prevailing narrative is that young men under the influence of the Manosphere and Andrew Tate are being politically radicalized faster and in greater numbers than young women. The result is a gulf in political sensibility between British women and men who are now dramatically inclined to the populist right.β
Ed O'Brien is the secret sonic architect of Radiohead
βEd O'Brien from Radiohead. When you listen to his solo album, you really understand his contribution to Radiohead. He's the guy who's creating the entire sonic vibe of the band's sound. He's the sound designer behind the scenes, and he's somebody who has always been comfortable, kind of receded into the background. If you watch concert footage or see performances of them, he'll be leaning down, turning knobs, and playing with wires and stuff like that, but less comfortable being forward-facing.β
Social media replaces real community with hollow simulations
βall of the foundations and anchors that help women and people in general feel stable have basically been eroded. And that's the argument in my book that we have had our families break down. We've we don't know our neighbors. We don't have communities. We are less religious. We're less religious than young men even. So we don't have any of these anchors. And that is why I think when the social media platforms came in, they really destroyed young women because they offered substitutes and simulations of these things that we didn't have in the first place.β
Dean Potter climbed from pathos while Honnold climbs from joy
βDean Potter, the great climber, free soloist, bass jumper, wingsuit pilot, and it's his whole story. What you don't realize is that Dean was 6'6. So there's a scene of him soloing a root on the top of L-cap, that root that Alex has to wedge his body in and shimmy up that crack. He's 6'6, doing that. Dean is climbing from a lot of pathos, even in his early climbs when he does this amazing route, he's up there like, howling like a monkey and making it very, very much, there's rage involved. Alex, he climbs from a place of joy. He just loves it.β
Hyper-independence prevents deep vulnerability and stable relationships
βI think for the women I'm talking about, there's much more pressure to stay single, to stay unattached, to stay available. And I think what Emma is really describing when she talks about the rush and the hurry is she feels pressure to cram in all her self actualization before she meets someone. So in the podcast, she's talking about healing herself and fixing her mental health and becoming the best version of herself and becoming whole and healed and enlightened. And I think that's a core message that young women are growing up with.β
Mike D quietly headlined a Malibu parking lot show
βMike D from the Beastie Boys, proud citizen of Malibu, sort of an icon in Malibu. He has an album coming out soon, Mike D5D, and he did a live performance in Malibu last Thursday. They took over that whole parking lot, and he performed an unpublicized, if you live in Malibu, you know kind of thing, like all of Point Doom showed up for this. There's probably like 300 people.β
βIt does take incredible guts and strength and focus, and I appreciate those things too. But I think to be really strong, you have to have humility. I think often force is mistaken for strength. Strength is something totally different than that. It includes humility. So that's my only concern, my only note. My only note for NASA is make sure we're humble about this.β
Pathologizing normal emotions creates a cycle of distress
βSo the problem is you have a lot of young women who, typically, by their nature, will go inwards when they feel distressed. But you have industries encouraging them and telling them the problem is you. Yeah. They're not making it up, but they are being manipulated. Yeah. Yeah. And and and the point of the book is basically there's nothing wrong with you. Your reactions are human reactions to the world and and to a world that's trying to turn you into a product, the fact that you feel unhappy.β
Self-obsession is the antagonist to personal growth
βThere's an evil-gazing self-obsession that comes with the self-improvement, personal development space, and self-obsession is an antagonist to personal growth. And so the narcissistic, kind of ego-centric aspect of being in this state or in this pressurized situation where you feel like you always have to be improving yourself, I don't think it's necessarily healthy and I plead guilty. Not only am I participating in this, I'm a purveyor of it.β
Astronauts risked their lives on flawed heat shields
βThey risked their lives. It was a one in 20 chance that those heat shields wouldn't work on the way back because they were flawed heat shields and they'd had in the test flight. This crew of four people still did it. What you realize is these people will go for it because if this didn't happen now, it would happen two years from now and these astronauts might not get the chance again. They had CO2 scrubbers that were getting, it's like a rebreather.β
Present moments matter more than self-improvement protocols
βZoom and I do breakfast bros on the weekends. We were sharing a blueberry muffin waiting for our plate of food to come. I just got struck with one of those lightning bolt moments, we all have them, where you realize, actually, this is the only thing that matters. Everything else I'm obsessed with in my life makes no difference at all. These moments, this moment here, I'm going to be thinking about this moment. I don't think I'll ever forget a moment like that.β
Young women report record levels of pessimism and unhappiness
βI think women do have unmet needs. I think the reason that more privileged women were more pessimistic in that piece was that they have everything they want and basically nothing they need. So all of the foundations and anchors that help women and people in general feel stable have basically been eroded. And that's the argument in my book that we have had our families break down. We've we don't know our neighbors. We don't have communities. We are less religious.β
The internet rewards performative empathy over local action
βThe only thing I can think is that it becomes, again, another form of signaling you are a good person. Look at how much I care? Yeah. And these will be the same women who've, again, grown up with believing that what counts as being a good person is what they post. And Well, also empathy, you know, to steel man that, this person is if that's the truth, this person really cares about what's going on in The Middle East and is genuinely pained by it. And that that's a kind of investment that's really impressive.β
Podcasting needs less optimization and more authentic hangs
βSo many of the podcast hosts who are in my genre, not all of them, but I'm saying there's a lot of them. These guys are dorks. It's just gotten so boring where everybody wants to improve you, or it's become uninteresting. Now, there's so many of them and everyone wants to improve you, and it's almost like, you know what? Why don't we just all relax a little bit? Maybe the improvement we all need is to stop thinking about ourselves for a little while.β
Pathologizing normal emotions creates a cycle of distress
βSo the problem is you have a lot of young women who, typically, by their nature, will go inwards when they feel distressed. But you have industries encouraging them and telling them the problem is you. Yeah. They're not making it up, but they are being manipulated. Yeah. Yeah. And and and the point of the book is basically there's nothing wrong with you. Your reactions are human reactions to the world and and to a world that's trying to turn you into a product, the fact that you feel unhappy.β
Gendered algorithms drive political radicalization among young women
βSo from the twenty tens, it was young women who lurched dramatically to the left. It wasn't that young men lurched to the right. Young men pretty much stayed where they were. It was women. Yeah. The new statesman said, the prevailing narrative is that young men under the influence of the Manosphere and Andrew Tate are being politically radicalized faster and in greater numbers than young women. The result is a gulf in political sensibility between British women and men who are now dramatically inclined to the populist right.β
Women treat themselves as products rather than people
βSo for example, not having children, having more of an aversion to having children someday than young men. I think that's because they think of themselves as a product, not as a human. And so people say things like, oh, that's the most human experience. Why would you not want to do that? But if your goal is to be a perfect, pristine product, then why would you take the risk of motherhood when it could destroy your body? It's unpredictable. It's dangerous. It's scary. It's not really something you can display quickly.β