A primal scream in Miami traffic revealed John's burnout breaking point
“I remember a moment in Miami, and I was driving in the middle of traffic, heavy traffic. I was just burning the candles at both ends, going crazy, doing everything I can, never being enough. And I saw my daughter's face without seeing my daughter, and she had this deep sadness about it. And I had to pull over because it was like one of those things where it just built and built and built. And I let the biggest inside the car, the biggest primal scream that you could hear and just a full on scream. And then followed by deep, deep tears.”
Set up financial systems before having kids, not after
“If I was to go back in time, what would I want from my father? It would be direction, example, and telling me, hey, when you're young, focus on establishing your financial system before you have kids. I would have loved somebody to guide me to that because I did not have that set up while I was growing. And then a few years later, boom, here comes the first kid, and I'm not financially ready for that. So it becomes a snowball.”
Reject the Homer Simpson and toxic alpha extremes of modern manhood
“We get this picture of men through sitcoms, through movies, TV shows that have been bombarded into the psyche of men in general as men being weak, men being silly. So there's those two extremes, Homer Simpson or toxic masculinity. And I'm like, no. There's way more than that, and there's way more ways that we can show up in a different state. And it all starts with awareness. The family unit is what I think can change the direction of where our society goes in general.”
“Putting healthy foods together is not that hard. Anybody can go to one of these ChatGPT things and create a meal plan for yourself. But the part that's missing there is the interaction with the food and your family. So I get kids involved in meal prep. I get them cooking with me. We get to sit at the table, talk about what's happening, what the day was, what are our wins, what were our lows. Setting up that kind of food culture is a way of nourishing yourself and nourishing your family at the same time.”
Treat your body like a battery you charge throughout the day
“A lot of times it's electromagnetic frequencies that are just draining your battery. So if you're taking your lunch break, go outside, take it outside, get some sun, put your feet on the ground, and discharge some of that electromagnetic frequencies that are just building and depleting your battery. The way I start my day is by taking what's called a Solle solution. And these are all systems that you can put in place that you set and forget them, but they're just a part of your lifestyle.”
Modern dads lack the elder lineage that once passed down wisdom
“In ancestral cultures and systems that did exist before modern times, there used to be a lineage of elders, and there used to be men who passed on some kind of either wisdom or passed on some kind of education, experiences, and so forth and so on down the line of other men and their sons. Now I don't know about you, but my father didn't supply any of that. And as I talk to more of my clients and more people around my age, there hasn't been any of that for a lot of us guys growing up where I had to learn how to drive from a friend of mine and shave on my own.”
Build a 2-minute driveway ritual before walking through the front door
“I pull into the driveway. I go around to the side of the garage, and I have this one exercise I do where I bring both arms overhead and touch right knee, left elbow, left knee, right elbow. And I'll do that, like, 30 times and then shake, where you take a deep breath in and just shake the whole body about five times. Usually, I'll drop and do 10 to 20 push ups, kinda like a few torso twists. And then if I really feel as though I need positive self talk, I'll just say something like, Ben, you got this, or, alright, here we go, or time for a good time.”
Sacrifice business growth to be present when kids are little
“I sold all of my equipment, got rid of all my personal training clients and gyms when my sons were born, and literally moved into a tiny home office so that I could redesign lifestyle to do that. I also made the decision not to move to LA or Miami or New York City or another place where I could do the 6 plus figure personal trainer thing because I wanted to be in a really safe and supportive environment for my family. So I built my business much more slowly than a lot of my peers. I've left some growth on the table. But, man, if you sacrifice family time to do that, it's a night and day difference.”
Adapt fitness to lifestyle with movement snacks and loaded play
“We basically just look at life through the lens of what if I couldn't go to the gym today, and then what are things that I can do to stay fit, especially with the kids. I'd have kettlebells in my backpack. I have a weighted vest. I did a lot of bear crawling, a lot of pull ups with one of them on my back from tree branches. There's been super busy times in my life, and this is based on research. I have an Aerodyne in the room next to my office. For every hour, I will literally just slip in and do a one to two minute all out sprint. By the time you've done 12 of those during the day, they add up.”
